Did you know you were born with certain qualities that stay with you and can be seen – no matter what? Did anyone ever say to you, I always feel so great when I’m around you, or I know I can trust you. You think to yourself, what are you talking about, I feel like I’m talking to much today or I’ve made a lot of mistakes so don’t look to me for anything.

Have you ever looked across the room and thought, that person looks interesting, I’d like to get to know them? You’ve never met and yet there is something about them that shines through.

Imagine you are standing in front of 15 people, most of them strangers. You ask what they see. They respond with words you are amazed at. Some of these words you think wow, they really know me and some of the words or sentences make you blush a little. You suspect you’re brilliant or beautiful or wise, but you would never admit it to yourself or anyone else.

I do this kind exercise with groups often and every time I am awed and inspired at what you see in each other. I know that no matter how hard you try to hide or how many crappy things you say to yourself about yourself, your essence will shine through.

To change your life: Take action. Be seen. Get support. Come unglued. Be vulnerable. Speak the truth.  Do everything you can to live a full and satisfying life… Wake up while you can, you’ve got plenty of time to be dead!

I always ask about myself first so the group participants understand what I’m talking about. The same answers come every time. Peaceful, passionate, confident, graceful, loving, compassionate, trustworthy, etc, etc. When I first started doing this kind of work with groups, I was nervous, unconfident and scared… and they saw my qualities anyway. Every time people say the same things -no matter what.

This one exercise can change your perspective forever. You were born with certain qualities that can be seen across the universe! Complete strangers can see and tell you your essence without hearing more than one sentence from you.

Embrace your you-ness and live your life with unbridled authenticity. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to hide and no energy at all to be you…so stop hiding, everyone can see you anyway!

Contact Karen

karen@rubyredroad.com

518-932-7855

My brother called me this week and told me about a call he had listened to that upped his awareness around codependency. Since this is relationship week in our Brilliant Horizons class, it made me think about the kind of conversations I have with my clients around their relationships.

If you have a great relationship based on trust and respect, Yah and congratulations!!! If you are having some challenges in telling the truth in your relationships ~ with respect… read on for some things you can do to support changing your pattern.

One of the biggest challenges we all face is to say what’s true for us – without making others wrong. We live in the box of I’m right, I’m better, I’m smarter & I’m more, and what we’re really saying is:

• I don’t like myself
• The truth is too vulnerable
• I don’t trust you 
• I need to be heard and therefor I can’t hear you

Clients tell me about the challenges they face with their intimate partner, their children and co-workers. Inevitably it boils down the co-depandant nature of the clients world.

Co-dependence sounds like this...

I don’t want to upset anyone

I don’t want to be confrontational

I don’t want someone else to suffer because of me

I don’t want to be alone

I don’t want to rescue myself but I do want to rescue you

I really need to be right

I really need to get it right

You are wrong

You are doing it wrong

The story I hear the most often is about not wanting to be responsible for someone else’s pain and suffering.

The truth is, as with everything, it’s really about our own suffering when we hurt someone. But think about this, affairs hurt, gossiping about your partner hurts, staying with your partner until the kids leave hurts. Wouldn’t it be worth telling the truth, your truth, and risk being intimate with someone you love, rather than plotting and planning what the end would look like? Yelling at or judging your kids, being mad at work, complaining and suffering does nothing for anyone.

• Practice telling the truth and know that it’s only one truth
• The truth always reveals itself eventually – learn to trust
• Ask for what you want
• Lighten up – please!
• Claim back your power by only saying yes or no when you want to

To make it even more complicated we watch the news, listen to all the limited perspectives of others and we have our own beliefs from our family of origin. Throw all that together and you have Fear and Control, and Power and Powerlessness.

Perhaps if we all learned to speak the truth without making another wrong, the world would change. I know for a fact… that at least your world would!

Compress decades of work into weeks… Call today for personal coaching and change your life now! karen@rubyredroad.com 518-932-7855

Honestly it doesn’t matter what age you are, how much money you make or how great a person you are. If you are living inside the box of yesterday or tomorrow, life will be more challenging, less fun and a lot more stressful!

• How do I stay present (or living today) and still set a goal?
• Isn’t a goal about the future?

Yes, a goal is about the future and you can only create it from the now. If you complicate things they will be complicated! If you worry about what will come, what you worry about will come, if you create from unpleasant past experiences, you will experience unpleasantness.

When I was 10 years old I became enamored with a house we often drove past on the way to visit our friends. It had a white chain fence and it went up a hill. It was big and beautiful. Every time we drove by I’d think to myself, I love that house and it would be so great to live there. Within a few weeks I heard we were moving. Yup, to that very house! I still remember the feeling as we pulled into the driveway, for me it was a dream come true.

My dream house

The innocence with which I felt my desire for that house is hard to replicate now and I think about it often. I’m a fairly simple person who values relationships more than anything else. When I’m clear about what I want doors fly open and opportunities fall in my lap! Once in my life I was so clear that I manifested a house without telling a soul it was what I wanted. I know I can still do this and it requires me to know what I want.

No attachment, no fear, no musts or demands. Just a deep fun filled desire!

If you can be really present, from the place of innocence, the universe will conspire with you. If you come from worry or fear, the universe is happy to accommodate this as well.

So imagine like you did as a child, just what you want… and let it be easy!

Ask yourself –

• Where in my life am I unclear?
• What do I want that I am afraid to wish for?
• Can I find the innocence?
• What am I attached to that doesn’t serve me?

Recently I was talking with a client and it became apparent she was really stuck! Stuck in her head with an old and disempowering tape playing over and over. I said, “Do you want to be whole or broken?” She replied, “Bold or Broken, wow, that’s an interesting way to look at it.”I loved it!!! Bold added to Whole makes for an amazing combination. Add a little courage and you can’t lose!

Whole – Not needing outside circumstances to set you free
Bold – Taking action that is outside your comfort zone and going for the gold
Courage – Being willing to make a mistake and keep moving forward

Or you can stay in the blame and shame game…

Broken – Guilt, shame, judging, criticizing and blaming others for whats gone and going wrong in your life.

We all get stuck in the broken zone occasionally  and when you do, please forgive yourself and move forward from a bold, courageous and whole place.

No one except you is responsible for how you feel, how you behave and how you live your life. This doesn’t mean you don’t feel things, feelings are a great tool if you’re willing to feel without spilling them on others. Lean into your feelings, without chasing them or others away and they will give you valuable information.

If somethings not working, change it now. What are you waiting for? Really, what are you waiting for!!! If you are waiting until everything is perfect, don’t. It will never be perfect.

A personal twist: Kevin and I were going to move to the west coast in November and have decided we aren’t quite ready.

• We have been working on several exciting projects that aren’t complete.
• We had a significant death in the family which has changed our perspective.
• We have a very cool group of people we are working with here that is growing every day
• We are having to much fun!

Sometimes going for it means taking stock, simplifying and taking another year.

Can you see the rainbow? It looks broken and you just can’t see the whole thing. When you feel broken, remember you’re not seeing the whole picture!

Ask yourself, what’s really true here? What are the facts? And finally, let go of your interpretations and limitations!

A friend said to me – “We all have our own kind of crazy.”

After I laughed I thought, yes I suppose we do! I’ve been so many crazies I wouldn’t know where to begin. Fortunately for everyone I learned along the way… I didn’t mean to be crazy, I was just behaving the way my unconscious mind thought would keep me safe.

Here’s how it works according to the experts. We live in the theta state, which I
think of as being conscious and unconscious at the same time, and absorb everything in our environment until around six years old. Then we behave, believe and live in ways that keep us safe, all without knowing it – unconsciously. The mind is always on alert. It knows it’s easier to keep us safe in an environment it understands than one it doesn’t.

Our neuro pathways in the brain are forming and the more we believe, behave and experience emotions in a certain way the stronger these paths become.

Childhood experiences form our thoughts and beliefs which turn into unconscious behaviors and voila – crazy!

It’s better to be depressed, angry, hurt and a big old victim than to be happy, joyful and excited by life…at least for very long. We all change our behavior for a time. Falling in love, losing someone special or being on vacation. Long term change takes the courage to be outside of your comfort zone, to feel vulnerable and absolutely letting go of believing what you or anyone else is thinking is real! 

One of my favorite books is The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton. It’s a good explanation of how we get to be who we are and how changing our perceptions with a little (and for some of us a lot) help, we can create a fulfilling and joyful life…

HOPE is the thing with feathers that perches in the SOUL and sings the tune without the words and never stops, at all.

My daughter gave me a coaster with the above saying on it for a gift. Being a cancer survivor and also a life coach, I have a funny relationship with the word hope. Hope can imply being a victim of circumstances (at least in the coaching world) with resolution or rescue coming from some outside source. In the cancer world, it more accurately means to cherish a desire with anticipation, to trust and to expect with confidence. Not such a bad thing.

I read my coaster many times a day as I sit in my office, looking out at the view from my window, and sipping my tea. I have contemplated these words often with great imagination both for the thoughtful gift and the thought provoking images. When I read this beautiful verse it gives me a great sense of wonder. I whole heartedly believe in an outside source. I have my spiritual prayers, I meditate, practice yoga, commune with nature, read inspirational books and I love to study the science of the mind and body, in collaboration with the spiritual realms. I couldn’t begin to know the truth about life and I am committed to playing fully from my own perspective and with heart.

And what I feel most committed to, is knowing I’m responsible for every aspect of my life. My health, my happiness and whether or not I am living in harmony with the world around me. It takes some doing to be responsible and kind to yourself at the same time. I use these profound truths from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements to help me stay on track.

1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Seems like common sense and I’ve had many potential clients say it is impossible to not take anything personally. Impossible!!! It takes awareness and letting go of being right or having a certain outcome, and it is possible. Life is so much better as well. Imagine not getting mad at others for who or what they aren’t and actually having the courage to make the changes necessary for your own happiness.

What will you do to create the life you want today? Let go of old habits and be grateful for everything. Simple and not easy!

Bending Time

Last week I did a workshop for Key4Women in Saratoga Springs where I live. We talked about bending time! Contrary to our belief, there really is enough time, and you have to commit to how you to how you use it in order to have more of it. Many entrepreneurs complain about the lack of fun, lack of money and lack of relationship. All these involve how committed you are to yourself and loving your life, and consequently how you want to spend your time. 

One of the participants told us how she had been in what she thought was Einstein time and rolled through a stop sign, only to get a ticket. She was singing and laughing with her daughter and not paying attention to the road signs. You can see where she was completely present with her daughter, and she forgot where she was and made a mistake. That’s okay, and we can be completely  present and still not forget where we are.

Breakthrough Moments

It’s hard to know where or when your personal or professional transformation will happen so I’ve made it a habit to show up for those things that are in alignment with who I am and what I want in my life. I want transformation, Always!!! I love having a breakthrough even when it’s not so fun getting there.

Imagine you are watching a movie, you’re about half way through and the plot is thickening. You’re rooting for the person that’s struggling, finding themselves, and looking forward to the next scene. In the end you feel good because the person has had a major breakthrough, even though it didn’t look like fun and maybe didn’t turn out the way they expected, it was worthwhile. Now imagine you are living your life and sometimes it’s painful and guess what, you will always come out on the other side of pain wiser, you’ll have the ability to integrate and eventually looking back be grateful.

As you practice being open and vulnerable to what may come you may feel a little excitement as you notice your discomfort. And then – the experience moves faster as you will not resist. And when you get to the end of your movie you’ll look back and say hey, that was fun, let’s do it again (well maybe not). Walking through the door to the unknown can be challenging and it’s definitely worth it. The unknown is where all breakthroughs are possible.

If you show up where your intuition leads you, if you let go of resisting pain, if you embrace the unknown and walk through the door, you never know what kind of incredible life change you will have. So choose to show up fully for your life today and stay steady no matter what!

Tools for showing up: ~ Say yes when it feels right and no when it doesn’t, use your intuition ~ Put it in your calendar ~ Stick with your commitments even when it’s unpopular ~ Don’t take yourself to seriously ~ Learn to be with discomfort ~ Take care of yourself